Everyone has that one person in their life who's tried obsessively to get you to date them, but you've never been interested and you've made that crystal clear. But they keep trying, and you make the mistake of actually believing they've given up... and they come at you again and make everything suuper awkward. The following story happened to me on a cold night at BYU-Idaho.
In Rexburg Idaho, apartment internet is NEVER good. It doesn't matter which side of campus you live on; if you're not paying for a modem in your living room and you're relying on the wireless, there's a chance you're going to submit an assignment late simply because the internet goes haywire. And in the house I was living in, internet was so unreliable, I spent most of my semester in the library. Well one particular weekend, the internet in my house was working splendidly! So that Sunday, I logged onto my computer expecting to be able to access and turn in all of my assignments on time, willy nilly. I was on for five minutes, and the internet took an unfortunate turn and crashed. When this happens on a Sunday, you either hang out on the campus grounds where there's WIFI, or you go to a friends apartment who hopefully has a constant internet connection. The only problem with the on campus thing is that all of the buildings are locked after a certain time on Sundays. So I sent a text to my friend Bryce, who was probably unavailable because he was with a girl. And I received no reply from him. Well I'd been conversing all day with this boy who had tirelessly attempted several times to convince me to cuddle/makeout/date him. I had made it clear to this person that I was not interested, and never would be. Well, I guess what would stop me from pursuing someone doesn't necessarily stop the next person. I casually told him of my predicament about the assignments, and he kindly offered up his internet so that I could complete them. I thanked him, and we decided on a time that I would go over to his apartment.
So I quickly walked over to his apartment; it was FREEZING outside and I made no attempt to make myself appealing to the eyes. I was wearing baggy sweats with mismatching tops and bottoms (several layers) and tennis shoes. If I remember correctly, I had just woken up from a long Sunday nap too. And I didn't do my makeup. I wasn't trying to impress anybody, just casually going to a friends' to do homework. I arrive at this person's apartment, and immediately I'm caught off guard. His computer is nowhere in sight. Instead, the television screen is on, the lights are dim, and he's gesturing for me to sit on the couch with him. So I sat down and made myself comfortable. And so did he. He proceeded to cuddle with me. The cuddle was not reciprocated, but he definitely thought that it was. I desperately wanted to ask if I could do my homework, but for some reason I did not want to make the moment more awkward than it already was. And I didn't want to make it seem like I was using him for his internet. So casually, I leaned away from his face, which was creeping ever so closely to mine. I looked him in the eyes and said "I don't want you to get the wrong impression about anything. I'm not into you. We're just friends." Which is something I'd mentioned to him before... about 100 times. And on top of that, I felt like I looked like crap. A hot mess. Just thrown together. So even if I were interested in this person, I would not feel appealing to him at all. He agreed and said he wasn't expecting anything from me. Yet his arms were still wrapped around me and my 53 layers of clothes. And his face returned to the position it was in before I leaned away from him. I couldn't enjoy the movie, not like this! And I REALLY wanted to get myself out of the mess I'd walked into. I had a bad feeling something was going to happen, and I wasn't going to like it.
About ten minutes after we had that mini-conversation, he switched positions. I thought he was moving away from me because how could he possibly be getting any closer? This victory I thought was mine was very short-lived. He found a way to get closer to me alright. So close that I could smell his natural musty scent underneath the old man cologne he was wearing. That was too close for comfort. I realized that sitting a couch cushion away from this person was too close for comfort. He was holding on tight, and I couldn't release myself from his grip. It happened so fast. SO FAST. His right hand reached up to move my face/mouth toward his ever so gently, and my movement away from his face was an entire upper body motion. It was instinctive, I WOULD NOT be forced to kiss this person like I was being forced to cuddle with him. To take away from the painfully awkward, he said "Too much?" And all I could say back was "Yep." What I really wanted to say was that all of it was too much. The movie, the dim lights, the closeness of it all, the smell. My entire night was so uncomfortable I felt like crying. I asked him if I could borrow his computer and in haste, finished the assignments that were due. I don't think I got the best grades on those assignments, but I wanted to get the heck out of there! I didn't even wait until the end of the movie to leave. I'd had enough for one night. I bid him a good night and practically ran home to the safety and comfort of my own bed.
Of course, it's impossible for me to hide emotions. Especially when something is wrong. So my roommates were curious as to what happened, but I was so embarrassed that I didn't tell them. I just said I had a weird night, and went to bed. I didn't breathe this incident to anyone until I realized more people knew. The other party involved (Mr. Cuddlebug) told people that I had led him on, that I encouraged him. The weird thing about this is that I had to laugh. Because it was so impossibly untrue. I hadn't talked to this person since the incident. And to this day, we don't talk to each other. I'm not angry at him. But I'm still so extremely embarrassed about the event that I physically cannot talk to him. It's painful. Awkwardly painful.
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