Good Things Come To Those Who Wait

Lately, I've really been doing some self-analyzing and thinking about all of the things that my life is, and that it isn't. And even as little as a few weeks ago, I was dissatisfied with where I currently reside on this crazy roller coaster we call life. I believe it's important to want to progress and to be better and get further in achieving the goals that we set for ourselves. But I also believe that no matter what circumstance we're in, that we make the most of it. Sometimes, life is wonderful. The sun shines every day. Other times, life is so-so. Nothing super exciting is happening, but nothing awful is happening either. And also, sometimes life really isn't very nice to us. It seems that everything that can go wrong, does. And there's nothing we can do but walk right through it with a head held high. But how in the world are we supposed to do that when we can't see the silver lining in our cloud? Sometimes it isn't enough when people say "Keep going, it'll work out in the end." We need that immediate comfort. I had no idea how to really find that for the long-term until recently.

At different times in our lives, we're supposed to be working on various relationships. When we're still in public school, I think our family relationships are the ones we should be working on. In college, most people are on their own for the first time, and friendships should be developed and strengthened. And my age group should be working on finding that person to settle down with. And for the most part, I see people I grew up with getting married and having babies right and left. And for some reason, going through all of their photos on facebook really depresses me. It makes no sense at all. And I think it's because I wish that it could be me. Now, I'm not a jealous person. It's not an emotion that I'm all too familiar with. But I recently switched my church records to my family ward, and sitting in relief society, watching these new mothers with their small children and babies, listening to them talk about their family life made me jealous a few Sundays back. And I went home that Sunday upset. For some reason, I felt like I was falling behind because I wasn't where they are in their lives.

And for a few weeks, I struggled with being satisfied with what I'm doing with my life. For some reason, working full time and going to school full time wasn't giving me the fulfillment I've been yearning to feel in my life. But with all of the prayer and self-reflection I've been doing, I finally found the inner peace I've been grabbing for. See, everyone is different. Just because I think I should be at a certain place, doesn't mean that I'm supposed to be there right now. It's not on my timing. I've done a lot of dating. Ask anybody. I go through boys like water. Trust me, I don't enjoy that, but that's the way things are for me right now. And sometimes, when things end, I take it hard. Because I feel like I'm failing. Goodness knows I'm trying. I give people way too many chances, I settle for less than I deserve, and I always end up feeling pretty stupid afterward. Especially after spending so much time with someone, and really opening yourself up emotionally. And it's hard for me to see how any good really came out of the situation. But after tonight, I see things so clearly.

I'd rather live life knowing that the best part is still ahead of me, than having it lie behind me. I'm doing everything in my power to be the best person I can be right now, in being that person that I want to find in someone else. Through all the blunders and mistakes, I'm one step closer to finding what I'm looking for. I know that I will find someone who sees me for all of my qualities, sees the beauty and worth inside, and can't help but go for it. I'm so excited for that. So excited that it's still something that I can look forward to, and wonder about and dream about. I know that sounds so lame, but it's true. I guess I never really looked at the situation that way before. I was always concentrating on what I don't have, when I know it will be granted to me eventually. That makes me smile. So for the first time, I can say that I'm ok with waiting for it. And when it does happen, I will be so thankful for the experiences I did have that led me to that place. And I don't need to wait for happiness to come to me. I can be happy on my own, and I'm finding myself again. We should never waste a minute of this life. And now that I can really put things in perspective, I will go to bed content with where I am in my life. And wake up with that same feeling. As long as I'm living my life right, I can have that peace inside. So instead of living my life thinking about the things that I don't have, I'll dwell on the things that I DO have. Because I am a very blessed individual.

*I hope this wasn't too boring. But I guess this proves that there are multiple dimensions to my personality. :)