Wait... That's My CHEEK!

Life definitely has its ups and downs. It seems that more often than not, my life is filled with "Did that really just happen?" moments. I believe that 1 out of every 10 people has this syndrome. To me, it goes right along with being accident prone... just in a different way. So yes, I believe I have this syndrome. Yet at the moment, I can't really think up a name for it. Oh well. Anyway, I've been thinking about dating and relationships a lot lately. And always always always, it brings me back to my very first kiss. Which, to most people is a moment of "Awww it was sooo magical!" and "It couldn't have been more perfect!" But to me? Well, I'll just explain the story to you.

I'd been best friends with this boy. I shall make up a fake name to save embarrassment. Let's say his name is Chandler Bing. Yeahhh... I met him at a stake dance right when my freshman year of high school started. He wasn't actually in my stake because he lived in Pleasanton. So he and his friend Miles were visiting and what can I say? I caught his eye. Well, he got my phone number (which was my house number at the time) and called me. I didn't ask my dad if I could give out  my number because I knew I wasn't allowed... I was 14. I went home and asked my dad if I could talk on the phone with a BOY and it took him a few weeks to comply, but eventually he gave in to my teenage girl, boy- crazy antics. So I formed a long-distance relationship with this older boy for a little over a year before I could actually date him. He dated girls in between of course, which I was clueless of but whatever. Looking back, I would have done the same thing.

It was a month before I turned sixteen. I went to a stake dance, and Brian made it very clear that he was going to be there. Oh, I was so excited to see him! Mind you, it had been like 6 months since I'd been able to. I even went shopping with my sister Rebekah that day and made an extra effort with my long mane of hair. I looked cuuute, if I do say so myself! Which I am saying, obviously... anyway. So I get to this dance, and he's there. Of course, I'd never dated anybody so my flirting skills were a little off kilter. Or underdeveloped. Or non-existent. Whichever way you wanna chop it up. So when he asked me "Hey, do you wanna come see my car?" I stupidly said "Yeah sure!" Did I really want to see his car? No. Did I have any idea why he thought I wanted to? No. So we get outside to the parking lot, and he points to his car. To this day, I have no idea what make it was, what model it was, or even what year it was. And I know cars! It was a rusted old squeaky piece of doodoo if I'm being completely honest. So at that moment, I really was wondering what all the fuss was about. And also how the thing was still even running. Well, we got to talking and it got a little cold out, so he let me wear his letterman jacket. So I'm standing there, feeling all high school because I'm in a boy's letterman jacket, and I looked away for a second as I was explaining something to "Chandler". Well, when I tried to look back up into his face, all I got was a big wet slobbery misplaced "kiss" on the corner of my mouth/part of my jawline. He totally missed! And the worst part about it is that he thought he aimed correctly. Bleh! It doesn't end there... it wasn't just one kiss. He was full on making out with my poor cheek. To this day, I'm not even sure how in the sam heck he thought he got me in the kisser. Because, you know, you can tell when someone is kissin' you back. And maybe it's just me, but my cheek does not possess that talent! It seemed like it went on for forever. I just stood there, with my hands at my side feelin' all gross, waiting for it to stop. And eventually, it did. I can't tell you the last time I felt so awkward. And I've had a lot of awkward moments in my life.

I said bye to him, he left, and I went back into the church building and cried. Yes, I cried after my first ever kiss. I had to go to the bathroom to wash all of the boy slobber off of me poor face. You think I'm exaggerating? Negatory. When I talked to him on the phone that night, he asked me if I liked it. Let's just say, I'm a really bad liar... So after that, things were kinda weird between us because of me. I'll take all of the blame for that one. I was just so turned off by this crazy weird kiss that it ruined our friendship. Forever. Seriously, I avoided his phone calls for a good month after I turned 16. Poor guy. It's ok though. He's married now, so his odd kissing worked for someone!

And that's the story of my first kiss. I hope upon all hope that it's worth some sort of entertainment, because I would not relive that moment if you paid me.