So anyway, it seems that more often than not, I'm sitting down thinking about how much I have to pee, standing up dancing because I have to pee, or riding in the car without a gas station in sight with a strong urge to pee. I'm that one person on long car trips who's always asking to stop just for a potty break... It's true, most people hate people like me on road trips. This is why I do not take them unless it's an absolute necessity. I'm terrified for the day that I become pregnant, and my small baby grows so much that it's pushing up against my bladder. Ok, I'm not really terrified. Just a little concerned that I might have to carry a portable toilet around with me everywhere. People will see me and say, "Oh, look at that cute pregnant woman! Wait... is she carrying a toilet?" And I will automatically lose cute points.
Well, my small bladder caused me to speed A LOT a few nights ago. After institute, I was able to get together with a few friends and family members, and we had a BLAST. We always do. Every second of conversation is quite captivating, and I didn't want to miss any of it. That, or it was so captivating I hardly noticed that I'd had two medium sized cups of Dr.Pepper. And we stayed at the restaurant until it closed. We even talked for a while after the place closed. I still hadn't made a pit stop by the time everyone was leaving. Well, a friend and I lingered afterward. I wasn't intending on staying in this parking lot talking for two additional hours, but the conversation was great. I maybe mentioned once that I had to pee, and left it at that. But oh man, did I have to go! Here's the catch though. When you're sitting down, having to pee doesn't feel half as bad as when you're standing up. And once I stood up, all hell broke loose. Every nerve ending in my body felt like it was on fire, and not in the good way. So I walk over to my car and book it out of the parking lot to find the nearest gas station. Well, I took a turnaround and right when I rounded the corner, I saw a Tiger gas station. Except I was unable to get to it because of the lane that I had taken. And it's not like I could have just cut across all of the lanes to get to it because there was a median blocking my path. Whoever decided to pour concrete there did it out of spite of me, I'm pretty sure. They knew some college kid staying out too late was gonna have to pee REALLY BAD someday, and they wanted a good laugh when she couldn't get to the gas station. So anyway, I'm driving in my car, cursing the stupid median and I'm going too fast on the access road. I was flying. I shan't say how fast I was going... I don't know who reads this. But anyway, you smell what I'm steppin' in. And it just seemed like it didn't matter how far I drove; every place that had some semblance of a bathroom was already closed. Already? Pffff.... I say that like it was 10:00 at night or something. It was not. So I throw my hands up and just get on the highway, because I figure I have an excuse to go faster. All this time, I'm breathing like I'm going through labor. My head is spinning, and I'm seeing stars. I have NEVER had to pee so bad in my entire life. I spot a sign for a Jim's the next exit up. And automatically, I have to pee 20 times more. It's as if my body knew what was about to go down, that I was almost there, and my bodily fluids were like "Oh yeah, there's A LOT more where we came from."
I exit and cut across three lanes on the access road and pull into this Jim's. Thanks to a friend in high school, I knew this place was open pretty late. I park, fumble with the seatbelt a little but finally get that off, swing open the door and book it to the entrance. I walked in, and it was so peaceful in there! Nothing like what was going on with me internally. So I'm practically running to the bathroom, when I hear "Where's the fire?" and a few chuckles. I was in no position to completely turn around, so I turned my head to the side and saw the only two old men in Jim's laughing at me. Whatever. I didn't care then, and I still don't care now. I finally made it to the bathroom. I'd never been so excited to see a comode... ever! And I have to say, that had to be the longest pee of my entire life. I swear it lasted like, 7 minutes! So I finish up. And as soon as I'm finished washing my hands, the song "Get Out of My Dreams (Get Into My Car)" came on. I was so ecstatic the discomfort and pain were over, that I started dancing in the bathroom. Until the song was over.
I casually walked out of Jim's. It's strange how quickly the physical body can change. One second, you're slowly dying inside because your bladder is filling up as quickly as a waterballoon under a faucet and another second, all is right with the world. And there you have it. Happiness is indeed an empty bladder.
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